🌿 Seedlings from Today: Sitting in the Mess (Two Voices)
These are not conclusions, they’re seedlings—shared so we can notice together what wants to grow.
Dear companions,
Yesterday we named the wandering we’ve been in with Growing Humans—the ways our passion waned, our capacity shrank, and how that too is part of growing.
Today’s truth feels murkier.
From Val:
I don’t actually know what I want from Growing Humans right now. Part of me longs to tend it more closely, imagining what it could become. Another part fears that stepping in more deeply would become another something that I don’t have the capacity to give myself to fully. Both possibilities live in me at once, and I don’t yet know which will grow stronger.
It’s unsettling to admit this, but maybe that’s the work. Growing humans means growing through uncertainty, not around it. It means noticing when desire and doubt live side by side, and not rushing to choose one over the other.
What I do know is that if I take on more of the tending, I don’t want to hide the mess. I want to invite you into it—the uncertainty, the ambivalence, the awkward middle. Because this is what it is to be human: to not always know, to feel pulled in two directions, to carry both hunger and hesitation.
From Alis:
For me, the mess shows up differently. I feel pulled by other projects and other loves, and yet I don’t want to abandon Growing Humans, either. My relationship to it feels less about “doing” right now and more about “listening”—as if Growing Humans is resting, and I need to rest with it.
Together, we’re realizing that Growing Humans isn’t asking us for neat answers. It’s asking us to sit in the not-knowing, to be transparent about our ambivalence, and to invite you into the awkward middle with us.
So today’s seeding is this:
We don’t yet know what we want or what’s next. But we’re willing to stay in the discomfort of that uncertainty together.
And we wonder for you:
How do you sit with not knowing what you want?
Where in your own life are you pulled between desire and hesitation?
If this lands with you, would you consider leaving one-word or a comment as a witness and companion? We’ll read them together tomorrow. We may share a few anonymously in the next post.
Thank you for walking with us in the messy middle.
With care in the not knowing,
Val + Alis
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