We’re two humans in the middle of the questions & the practice: raising a preteen and two teenagers between us, teaching vertical development to other people while our own is anything but settled, watching an adult development field fill up with AI posts, and philosophical musings, and content that never once mentions the mess that comes with the hard and deep work.
So, what does it mean to grow humans, when the growing won’t hold still? What does it mean to do the inner work, and then find out you’re not done…that you’re never done? What does it mean to stop trying to save your kids, your clients, your partners, yourself, from the pain that’s actually prompting the growing?
Val and Alis are meeting up for a live, unscripted conversation using our own lives as the instrument—Val’s past re-membered, Alis’ shifting ground, both of us mid-story with no epilogue in sight. Wounds we’re still turning into whatever wisdom is possible from inside them, not after the fact.
Wednesday, September 23 4:00pm PDT / Thursday, September 24 9:00am AEST
Come sit in the chaos with us. We’re not resolving it. We’re just done pretending we’re not in it and that this is not actually “the work” of growing humans.
live on Substack · free and open to all
In the work right alongside you,
Val + Alis
I am new to Substack, and I hope this is an appropriate place to continue the conversation. Here are some of the reflections that arose as I listened:
Listening to the conversation, I found myself thinking about the concept of time and our relationship with it.
The world has always contained violence, atrocity, tragedy, environmental disaster, changing institutions, power imbalances, etc.
When I was a kid / teenager (in the 80’s and 90’s) this exposure was limited to about 30 minutes of my day, as the nightly news played. The rest of the news hour included sport, weather and stories of heartwarming events in the community. The remainder of my day was designed by my parents and later by me based on the pattern they had set. It was focused on growing into the best human I could be in my local community; walks to school, homework, band practice, sport, volunteering, acts of kindness, a journal next to my bed, playing with my baby sister, visiting my grandmother, trying not to gossip…
Fast forward to 2026: social media, mobile phones and algorithms expose us to the worst the world has to offer at an unprecedented rate. The daily dose is no longer 30 minutes; it can be multiple hours of algorithm-controlled messaging.
One meaningful response is to model for our children the qualities we hope they will carry into the world: self-discipline, curiosity, kindness, generosity, connection to nature, a strong work ethic and the courage to develop their talents. I believe each of us has something valuable to contribute, and that nurturing and sharing those gifts can make the world better. By raising kind people—whether they are our children or our participants—might we already be creating a positive ripple effect?
I am curious about why that does not feel enough. I think back to the 2010's, when women-only conferences and leadership spaces were growing exponentially. A recurring theme was, 'We can do it all, but not all at once.' Raising babies is a vocation; for millennia, it was recognised as a full-time, noble occupation. Now many of us hold full-time jobs alongside motherhood, sometimes while also caring for our elders. On top of this, are we creating a social norm that expects us all to save the world? If so, what are the unintended consequences? Are we becoming paralysed, unable to make progress because nothing feels like enough? Is our health being negatively affected? And how, under that weight, are we meant to develop the kind of people we want to see in the world?
Perhaps part of the answer lies in giving ourselves permission to release some of these worries and to approach the work with a primary focus on developing people. This may leave us with more energy and make us better able to hold space for difference, while remaining open and curious about complex problems.
Unfortunately I couldn’t get to join you due to Substack’s age restriction wall despite being 62 years old! The selfie process just kept failing. I’ve never come across this access restriction before - it seems amazingly draconian. Hope I can get to see the video when it comes out and that I am old enough to do that at least!